Funky Watutsi

The point of prom is to celebrate the culmination of 13 years of education and the commencement of a new life of adulthood and independence. Regardless of whether you believe in all of that, the party remains. And the way that we party in this country is to get a bunch of people together in a poorly lit room and make them move around to the beat. So, if you don't know how (or think you don't know how) to dance, you will be the lame (wo)man out.

Usually I'm very accepting of everyone, but I'll admit that I have no tolerance for someone who can't dance. I firmly believe that a lack of rhythm is simply laziness. We were all born with the rhythm of our own hearts, the oceanic sway of our mothers' amniotic fluid and the natural flow of the seasons, pull of the tide, etc. etc. etc. If your body can't get on the beat, it's because you have been to lazy to listen for it and let your natural impulses handle the rest. *Note: If you have some sort of inner ear or cerebral issue that affects your movement, I exempt you from my scathing criticism.

Now that you have been thoroughly chastised for not being able to dance, I will provide with the necessary resources to correct your shortcoming. First of all, listen to a song with an obvious danceable beat. If you're listening to Hot Hot Heat or Dead Prez or Tibetan monk chanting, no wonder you can't dance, you big nerd. This is what you should be listening to:

• SexyBack - Justin Timberlake
• SOS - Rhianna
• Hips Don't Lie - Shakira
• Top Back - T.I.
• We Fly High - Jim Jones

I put that last one on there because it just came on my Pandora, but it works, too. Plus, the beat is really slow. It's a good one to get started to. Every one of these songs has a very obvious "hand-clap"-esque beat that you should be able to catch and do a little two-step to.

What's a two-step, you ask? The answer is in the name, my friend. It's a step to the left, a step to the right. It's the easiest thing in the world. Did you hear that hand clap in the song? Good, step to the right on that. Here comes the second hand clap. Go ahead and step to the left. Oh Snap! You're a dancing genius. Okay... honestly, I can't do this without being sarcastic and annoying, so if you really can't dance, check out the following very helpful resources.

www.clubdancelessons.com
WikiHow to Dance
Dance in the Nightclub
How to Dance for Average Guys

**Just remember, if whatever you're trying to do has a name, chances are you're trying too hard.

TRADITION!!

Hello All. I hope that you missed me as much as I missed you... I will do my best to give you more reasons to come visit.

In the meantime, let's talk about some of the age-old and kind of new traditions that are a part of proms around the world today. I did a bit of research and it turns out that everyone likes to celebrate this end-of-the-year party in fun and varied ways.


The Classics / Prim and Proper

• Crowning a Prom King, Queen or a whole court - My friend Mizz1218 is still bitter that her school crowned her prom queen and only gave her a certificate (no sash, no crown...wamp wamp)
• The Junior Class hosts / plans the prom in honor of the Seniors (Juniors and Seniors can both go, but maybe the Seniors get a free ticket, gift, both or the honor of just not having to plan it)
• One girls' school in Delaware partners with a Boys' school to hold prom. The guys get etiquette and dance lessons and then write a letter to a girl at the partner school inviting her to prom... very Pride and Prejudice
• At one school in Chicago, all of the guys (and male chaperones) wear kilts and a Scottish bagpiper and dancer comes to bring it all together
• At Junior prom, the guys give corsages. At Senior prom the girls get bouquets (sweet).
  

The Clothes Make the Prom

• At one school, there are several formals. The Sophomores have cotillion and wear long straight dresses. At the Junior prom the girls wear ball gowns and at Senior prom they wear fishtail gowns.
  
• In Hawaii, the guys give the girls a bouquet and the girls give the guys leis made of vines called maile. These traditional leis can be anywhere from one strand to about seven strands thick. They symbolize anything from love to friendship. These leis have no flowers and the guys wear them right on top of their tuxes.
• Some schools have a contest for the best dressed couple - (fun idea, but I think this would just encourage people to spend ridiculous amounts of money)
• At one school, only the Seniors are allowed to wear white. Imagine a room full of big white dresses and tuxes with a few pops of color here and there.... gorgeous.
• Another idea that I think is beautiful comes from a school that has its attendees wear masks to the event. At the end of the night, there is a contest to see whose mask is the best.
  
• Finally, I've heard about schools that have garter dances. The guys pull garters from their dates' legs with their teeth (or hands. Let's bring it down a notch), and then wear the garters on their arms and later hang them from their car rearview mirrors... racey.

Small Town, USA

• In a lot of smaller towns, prom is one of the biggest things going on. Therefore, they are more likely to have an actual "promenade" or red carpet-like procession where the town comes out to see everyone's beautiful dresses (and to find out who came with whom).
• Also, in a lot of towns, it's a big deal to arrive in some sort of creative conveyance. I've heard of everything from the (now) traditional limos and stretch hummers to golf carts, Segways, horse-drawn carriages and firetrucks with hot tubs in the back. (I feel like this last one has to be an urban legend).
• Another big tradition is to make the event a whole day of fun to spend with friends and dates. The day starts with movies, bowling, miniature golf or some other type of day-date (I've even heard of one town having a big school-sponsored triathlon with girls and guys teams and everything) followed by the dance and ending with a night of camping and bonding.

International Ideas

• While most countries outside of the U.S. don't have a prom at all, a lot of other English-speaking countries (U.K., Australia, New Zealand) do something fairly similar. Typically, there is a formal dance held in conjunction with graduation, the handing out of diplomas, etc, called Grad Night. One tradition that seems to occur all over these places is called Safe Grad. This is where after the students have officially graduated and received their diplomas, had a formal dinner and a big fun dance, everyone is bussed off to a secret and remote location (no one knows where they're going except the planning committee) where the students then proceed to get drunk and carouse until the wee hours of the morning. They then crash and later get bussed home to sleep more. This system keeps everyone from drinking and driving on the big night. **Let's remember that the drinking age is often much lower in countries outside of the U.S. and it is therefore legal for high schoolers to drink.**
• A lot of our foreign friends at least have a big breakfast after the dance is over to give everyone time to sober up and get some food in their systems to soak up the alcohol. (which is a myth. Food does not actually soak up alcohol. A drunk person who has eaten chicken wings is still drunk and should not drive. The only think that "cures" drunkeness is time.)
• Another big thing that happens at most schools abroad (and a lot of schools in the U.S.) is an after-party where the student council raises money all year to pay for a casino night, karaoke, sumo suits, food, bouncy houses and all sorts of fun stuff to keep people entertained and kickin' it with their friends all night long.
• Also, the end-of-the-year shindig is much more often a family affair abroad. In one school the students dance with one of their parents on the first song, with their date on the second and then the kids go off to party in one room while the parents stay and party in another.

Social Deviance

• Thanks to a late night of dancing, partying and going crazy, a lot of schools have a tradition of skipping school either the day of or the Monday after prom. I think this is kind of awesome, but definitely be sure that your school is okay with it before you get in serious trouble. (Like not being allowed to go to prom, or worse, graduation.)
• At another school in Chicago, it's a tradition for the guys to try to sneak in to one specific bar in town and buy a drink. As the legend goes, if you're able to get the bartenders to sell you a drink, you'll get lucky on prom night....
• A lot of schools are starting to impose an under-21 age limit on people attending the prom. This policy is supposed to help cut down on drinking.
• Some schools have taken the age limit one step farther and actually started checking non-students' criminal backgrounds to cut down on drinking, violence and sexual aggression (i.e. rape).
• I've heard of some schools holding a super early morning event (or graduation) the day after the prom to encourage students to not get wasted the night before and end up hungover the next day...
• And I've even heard about some schools issuing breathalyzer tests at the front door to keep drunk people out.

But, On a High Note

• There are some other really cute and random traditions that I've heard of including guys asking the girls in fun ways (filling balloons with tootsie rolls and shaving cream and leaving the girl a note saying, "Hey "toots", I've heard that you're a really "smooth" girl and I would "burst" with joy if you went to prom with me. After which she has to pop the balloons to find the name of the guy who asked.)
• I've also heard of a school that has its students make videos to ask their prom dates out. The most inventive one wins a free ticket to prom (my Matrix/broccolli florets video would have totally won).
  
• Another big deal at a lot of schools is to keep the theme a secret. Students try to sneak peeks into the gym or caf while it's being decorated to be the first in the know - but otherwise they have no idea until they buy their tickets which feature some sort of clue.
• And finally, my personal favorite... have an all out, sugar-coma inducing dessert buffet. The diet and exercise regimen to fit into the dress is over - you may as well pig out.

The End. Now, go out and create some fun traditions of your own. If I missed a really good one that your school does (or did) or if you want me to write about anything in particular, please feel free to comment. I'm totally open to posting your questions, ideas, pictures; whatever you got.

Dear Prom Lady...

Hello friends! Pictures are still forthcoming from the last episode, but in the meantime I am here to dole out prom advice (a la Dear Abby).

Dear Prom Lady,
I'm a guy and I'm going to my first prom this year. I want to impress my date, but I'm relatively strapped for cash. What am I expected to pay for?

- Money Is Definitely An Object

Dear MIDAO,
I understand the pressure to go all out with the stretch Escalade and the 5-star dinner, yadda yadda yadda. The thing is, none of that stuff is really necessary to have a good time. That having been said, in this age of Super Sweet 16's, more seems to be more. Take a look at the following checklist for guidance:

• Prom tickets - for most schools, these are essential just to get into the front door. If you're trying to impress the girl that you've invited (you're not just friends and you haven't been dating forever and ever), you should go ahead and pay for hers as well as your own. Assuming that your school is not trying to make a profit off of the students, the ticket prices shouldn't be more than $20 per person - $40 total
• Tux Rental - it's the traditional thing to do, you can't go naked and unless you make your outfit out of duct tape, it's probably what you're going to wear. This'll cost you about $90 for a full tux, suit and shoes. You'll pay more for fancier styles, wild colors, etc.

www.tuxrentalonline.com

• Dinner - going to dinner before the big shindig has become a tradition. Some schools host a meal for the students (or have some sort of buffet), but most schools aren't going to fill you up at the dance. (Plus, she's definitely going to want you to show her off somewhere in her big beautiful dress.) To maintain the special feeling of the evening, you'll want to eat somewhere pretty nice (let's go one step above TGI Friday's, shall we?) Let's say that you do what I did and go to Maggiano's with a big group of friends - you're looking at about $45 per person including tip. - $90 total if you pay for your date

www.maggianos.com

• Corsage - you know, the little bouquet of flowers that she wears around her wrist. (Girls used to pin them to their dresses, but that's pretty 80's - get her one that she can just wear like a bracelet). This is pretty much a prerequesite. She's going to want it to match her dress and she probably doesn't want carnations (though, they were making a come back about 4 years ago). You can get the (really cute) one pictured below from FTD for $45 including tax and shipping

http://www.ftd.com/corsages-boutonnieres-ctg/product-corsages

• Limo (optional) - this one is really up to you. Having a limo is nice because it completes the super grown-up, oh-so-luxurious feeling of the evening. It can also be fun if you're planning on doing prom in a big group and you all want to ride around together and be loud. It is, however, completely unneccessary. As a nod to keeping it real, the only reason why I would say that you ought to rent a limo is if you're planning on drinking. (Sidenote: Chances are, if you're going to prom you are under 21 and therefore it is illegal to drink. However, if you do drink, you SHOULD NOT DRIVE. - Think about it, you've had your license for about 2 years and you're drunk... you're going to hit something.) Otherwise, you should either drive yourselves or get an older sibling or cool older cousin to chauffer you around. The least expensive 8 passenger stretch limo that I could find was $65 / hour. Assuming that you use your limo for 4 hours (8pm-12am), three other couples ride and share the cost with you and you decide to pay for your date's portion, add $65 to your total.

www.AmericanLimos.org

Let's throw in another $30 for random miscellaneous things and that comes up to... $360

Start saving now, kids. It costs a lot of money to have a good time! ;)

If you have questions for the prom lady (moi) - feel free to send them my way. I promise to post them and give you the most thorough answers I can come up with.